The lost 116 pages

I have been reading the first few sections of the Doctrine and Covenants, which is a compilation of revelations that God gave to establish His church. Joseph Smith received most of the revelations that were canonized in the compilation, although there are some revelations that were received by other prophets. The first few sections (2-11) are about translating the Book of Mormon. God was giving directions about how to translate and how to understand the dictation of the Holy Spirit.

One particularly poignant episode is when Martin Harris (Joseph Smith’s scribe) wanted to take the manuscript home to show his wife, who doubted the legitimacy of Martin’s efforts. The Lord told Joseph Smith that Martin could not take the manuscript, but Martin persisted in his request. After repeated petitions by the prophet, Joseph Smith, the Lord gave permission on strict conditions. Martin Harris took the 116 pages home to New York to show them to his wife. He was not completely faithful to the Lord’s conditions and the pages were stolen. The first major section of the Book of Mormon was lost. The Lord rebuked Joseph and Martin and revoked Joseph’s power to translate. The Lord knew that if they re-translated that section, conspiring men would alter the stolen manuscript and use it to question the validity of the translation.

Now that you have the premise, let me tell you what I thought about it: First of all, there have been some times in my life when I have wanted something dearly that the Lord did not want me to have. And it wasn’t just that it never came so I supposed I shouldn’t have it; I had prayed for guidance from the Lord, then not agreed with that guidance when it came. My prayers went something like this: “God, I really want to do such-and-such. Is that ok? … but I REALLY want to! I’m sure it would be fine because of [reason] and [reason] and [reason].” The Lord would begin answering with a definite “No,” but after time, the answer would become “You can do whatever you want; I’m not going to stop you. But you know what I recommended.” “But please …”

Once in high school, I carried on a conversation like this in my prayers for several months, waiting for the Lord’s blessing. During this time I read the story of the 116 pages in the Doctrine and Covenants. I read the Lord’s rebuke to the prophet:

And behold, how oft you have transgressed the commandments and the laws of God, and have gone on in the persuasions of men. For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God. Although men set at naught the counsels of God, and despise his words—Yet you should have been faithful; and he would have extended his arm and supported you against all the fiery darts of the adversary; and he would have been with you in every time of trouble.

The Lord was speaking to me as I read. I knew he had answered my question a long time ago. And this story reminded me of the consequences of ignoring the counsel of the Lord. It still took some time to ease my hearts desire for the thing I had wanted so badly for so long, but from that time I prayed for strength to accept God’s will, not to change it.

This year I was reading in The Great Divorce by CS Lewis. The following passage is speaking about how God will not force anyone to hell, but they chose it themselves.

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’”

It’s frightening to think that God will let us hurt ourselves if we beg him long enough. How can he love that much?